No matter how strong love is, snoring can negatively affect your relationships. If your partner snores and you lie awake at night, over time it can cause you to feel resentful. And if you are the one with the snoring problem, you may feel guilty, helpless, and even annoyed that your partner keeps complaining about something you have no control over.
Snoring can build tension in relationships resulting in the following:
Sleeping in separate rooms
Some couples may choose this solution, but physical and emotional intimacy will likely suffer. If your partner has chosen to sleep in a separate room because you snore, you might feel unfairly punished, rejected, and isolated.
Irritability from lack of sleep
Both people will suffer from lack of sleep, not just the person who doesn’t snore. Disordered breathing causes snoring, so the person who snores doesn’t sleep well either. Chronic lack of sleep affects judgement, reasoning, mood, and the ability to effectively manage otherwise simple conflicts and stress. This can easily cause a breakdown in communication when you and your partner try discussing this problem in your relationship.
Resenting a partner
When the quiet sleeper tries everything possible (white noise machines, soft music, fans, ear plugs, etc.) to no avail while the snoring partner takes no action at all to find a solution, it can easily cause resentment. Teaming up to find a cure for snoring can keep fights at bay.
If this relationship is important to you, your priority needs to be finding a solution so that you can both look forward to consistently getting a good night’s sleep. Joining forces to find a cure can provide an opportunity to form a stronger bond with a deeper commitment.
How to communicate with a partner who snores
You’re madly in love with a partner who snores. Everything about them is perfect, except this one problem that keeps you from ever getting a good night’s sleep. No matter how much sleep you’re losing due to his/her snoring, you need to handle the issue with sensitivity. It’s understandable that you would be irritated under these circumstances, but you should try toning it down. Attack snoring, not your partner. Realize that your partner probably feels defensive and embarrassed.
Here are some recommendations to help you communicate more effectively about snoring:
Timing is everything
Do not bring the topic up in the middle of the night or right when you get up in the morning when you’re both feeling at your wit’s end with exhaustion.
Snoring is not intentional
Although it’s normal to feel victimized when your partner’s snoring prevents you from sleeping, keep in mind that s/he doesn’t do it on purpose.
Do not lash out
Yes, lack of sleep can be aggravating and harm your health, but do your best to discuss this without confrontation.
Do not use snoring as an excuse
It’s understandable to be upset with your partner’s relentless snoring, but do not latch onto it as an excuse to vent when your resentment belongs elsewhere.
Be playful - try humor
When you bring up the topic of snoring, try doing it in a playful humorous manner so that you don’t unnecessarily hurt your partner’s feelings. It’s better to laugh about it as long as the teasing isn’t excessive.
How to deal with a partner who complains about your snoring
It’s common to be a little defensive and hurt when your partner starts complaining about your snoring. You may not even have realized that you snored. While it might seem ridiculous that snoring could cause problems in an otherwise blissful relationship, it is reality - snoring can cause big problems.
You may be tempted to ignore your partner’s concerns and make no effort to find a solution, but if you do this, you’re sending the message that you couldn’t care less about his/her needs. If this is the case, then the two of you have more serious problems than snoring.
Remember the following as you team up to find an effective solution to snoring:
Snoring is a physical problem
There is no point in being embarrassed about it. It’s not much different from having a common cold or a strained muscle. It can be resolved.
Do not take it personally
Do not take your partner’s complaints as a personal attack. Be confident in your partner’s love for you, but not your snoring.
Do not minimize your partner’s complaints
Take your partner’s complaints seriously. Being continuously sleep deprived can lead to health problems, and at the very least make him/her feel miserable throughout the day.
Clearly communicate that your top priority is the relationship
If you both understand the importance of this, you will team up to do whatever it takes to find a solution to your snoring.
Address aggressive behavior
While lack of sleep can be irritating and put people in a bad mood, your partner needs to know that it’s not acceptable for them to kick, jab you with an elbow, or shout in anger when you snore.